Somewhere, somehow we all have been hurt…

If your heart has courage to hate, then it has an equal courage to love as well.

Hatred and love are like two sides of a coin. We all have a light and dark inside us, but what matters is the part we choose to act upon – that’s who we really are.

For all of us, every day is a choice between the right and the wrong, or one or the other. We all are in a constant struggle – an identity crisis. We struggle every passing moment with the given identity of culture, religion and race. At times we are privileged because of this identity whereas at other times we are discriminated against.

It is a tough task to phrase all my experiences and thoughts into few words, because I’ve listened to many friends of mine from North, East, South and so on. They all have got painful histories regardless to which community they belong – but that one thing I noticed, they all have in common is grief. I believe, grief of one community is not inferior to another. This is the reason, I want everyone to understand that our stories are similar in one way or another – even though our stories are different our pain is mutual.

A child born today will soon learn about the 30 year old brutal civil war in Sri Lanka. He will learn the story from either a defeated or victorious side, not knowing that in a war we all are losers. He will be told that one was right and the other was wrong, and will be taught to choose a side. This history will then be embedded into his identity and personality. Hatred will be passed from one generation to another, continuing something immoral in our society. Thereby, we inherit our identity rather than building one.

For most of us, race, religion and culture are elements of the identity which were given to us; but at the end of the day we fight for this identity which was not even our choice in the first place.

Since 1948, for 68 years how many years have we had a real independence? Out of 68 years, we have fought with each other for over 40 years. We have had a civil war, JVP insurrection, Bodu Bala Sena and various other unrest situations. Our fights take different forms, but they go on and on. Being a Sinhalese-Buddhist woman I feel, it is important that Sinhalese get involved in the reconciliation process as they are the larger ethnic proportion. Also, it is important that Buddhists get involved in bringing in social justice, and women get involved in bringing in social equity.

If you ask me what is the most beautiful thing about Sri Lanka; I would say it is our amazing Diversity. Sri Lankan culture is rich with diverse food, clothes, festivals, communities, race and religions. The question is what we are going to do with this diversity? Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Sinhalese, Tamils, Burghers, should not just ‘tolerate’ each other, but should be ‘accept’ each other. We should be respectfully celebrating our rich diversity that makes us all proud Sri Lankans.

I feel that our culture has been so embedded within the religion, that as a result we sometimes ignore the realities, inevitably excluding some people. We Sri Lankans should divert ourselves to build an inclusive society where, we all are accepted for who we are. We all love kawum and kokis, buriyani and watalappam, thosey and wadey, and milk wine and Burgher nap. Just as much as we like those things from other communities, we must love its people too.

What we need to understand is that; war left not only Sinhalese widows in the South, but Tamil and Muslim widows in the North. We have not only Tamil orphans from war but also Sinhalese and Muslim orphans. The war hurt those who left the country as just as much as it hurt those who stood back in the country. All our divisions are manmade and delusional.

As a Sinhalese-Buddhist representing the religious and ethnic majority of Sri Lanka, I believe it is the majority’s responsibility to stand up for minority rights – just so that, one day we can get rid of these concepts of ‘majority’ and ‘minority’, where we are able to think of one human race, and have faith in humanity.

It only takes courage to apologize to a person outside your religion and race; and we must have the courage to do so, because during the process somewhere, somehow we all have been hurt.

Presented by Thevuni Kotigala, at Sri Lankan Harmony Day 2016, Melbourne on 6th March 2016 at Mulgrave Community Centre. Harmony Day pave the way for Sri Lankans living in Australia to meet and form links beyond religious, ethnic, political, cultural and other divides.

Thevuni Kotigala is a 23 year old Sinhalese Buddhist, who is an undergraduate of University of Sri Jayawardenepura. Her passion is on serving the world, and she believes in peace and reconciliation.